Friday 23 May 2014

Becoming an optimist?

I've always considered myself a pessimist, but recently it hasn't been the case.  Worry used to always fill my brain with what tomorrow would bring or i'd be lingering on the past, not being able to move forward.  Now everything seems different.  I feel like i'm going with the flow and enjoying the excitement of not knowing what will happen tomorrow and I tell you what... IT FEELS GREAT!!

Not too long ago I agreed to myself that I was going to attempt to lose weight.  I have tried this many times before in the past, but always failed.  This time I am determined to become healthier and happier.  So far I've managed to lose 11 lbs from cutting out a lot of the rubbish I used to eat.  This was the hardest thing I had to do because I would use food to comfort myself... My weakness was chocolate, but since cutting it out I've learnt I really don't need it.

As well as cutting down on the rubbish I ate, I've also been going for walks along the beach and through the woods and I have put this to my advantage because I love taking photos of the beautiful scenery.  I've been taking photos throughout my walks and this has really helped motivate myself.  That and the fact of seeing the numbers on the scales go down!  It feels amazing and it has definitely made me feel happier.  I feel how I want to feel.  I know I still have a long way to go and make sure I keep to this regime, but considering it's making me feel good... It shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Being happier has made me become a lot more sociable.  I've always been one of those people who will avoid going out and will stay indoors all day watching films and playing games, but on new years I made a promise to myself that I was going to get out more (I know this doesn't help being healthy) but I have kept to that promise and I have met some pretty awesome people in the process!  As well as seeing old friends... for example, my lovely friend Erin.  We usually waited around 3 months until we saw each other next, but recently we have been spending a lot more time together and it's been fantastic! Thank you Erin for being such a great friend!

Anyway, I feel like i'm being too positive now!  Haha!  All that's left for me to say is that I'm not a quitter.  I never have been and I never will be.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  Fight for that reason!

You never know what the future holds 

Tuesday 1 April 2014

Yes! I have gone Ape! (with panic)

I never thought I had a fear of heights.  My god was I wrong!  Two years ago I went to GoApe for the first time with my sister, Becky.  For those of you who don't know what GoApe is, it is a tree top challenge where you basically act like monkeys.  It was such a great experience and I loved every minute of it... oh, except for when I had a panic attack!

Part of the course involved a Tarzan swing into a rope wall.  There was an alternative route which was easier, but I thought to myself, 'take the challenge, it will be fun!'.  Butterflies were forming in my stomach, but before I could even think it through, it was my turn.  I attached myself to the rope, bent my knees and let myself go.  The thrill I got out of this drop and swing was amazing, but what I hadn't thought about was getting myself up the rope wall, bearing in mind I have terrible upper body strength.

Flying into this rope, I grabbed hold tight and started to pull myself up.  This proved to be hard and I was struggling to get up to the next platform... then it came!  PANIC!  I thought I was trapped and never be able to get up, but a group of people behind saw I was in a panic state and encouraged me.  'You can do it!', they chanted as I managed to move and pull myself up.

Getting onto the platform I realised I had completely turned to jelly.  My legs felt weak and I felt drained, but I was happy that I was no longer stuck in this net!  Luckily this was near the end of my adventure at GoApe.  One more zip wire (which was huge) to go.  The views when flying down this wire was incredible!  Highlight of the day.

Okay... so yesterday my sister took me to GoApe for the second time.  I swore to myself that I would not experience another panic attack.  This meant avoiding the Tarzan swing and take the alternative route.  Instead of being in a big group of people, it was just Becky and myself.  I thought this would be better as we didn't have to wait for other people to go over the course, but I was wrong.  People were the objects making me not think about the height.

Climbing up the first tree I realised I was getting slightly dizzy.  I thought nothing of it until I reached the platform.  I stood up straight and looked down (mistake I know!).  I instantly felt dizzy and panicked slightly.  This was not a good sign considering I wanted to avoid having another panic attack!

Even though I was planning on taking the alternative route to the Tarzan swing, I found a new place to... wait for it... have a panic attack!  Hanging in the air was a tunnel.  I remember not having any trouble with it the first time we went, but this time I panicked.  Crawling through I felt like I was going to slip through the gaps (even though the gaps were no where near big enough).  Becky encouraged me to crawl through the tunnel which I continued to do, but then... I was stuck!  How was a meant to get out of this tunnel?  I panicked even more and got hysterical.  Problem is, once it is all over and done with you realise how much of a bloody idiot you were!  I was embarrassed and throughout the rest of the course I was terrified of falling.

It is a great experience and I never thought I had a fear of heights considering I love roller coasters, but now i'm getting older i'm starting to think about things more (negative things).  I will overcome this and even though I have had a panic attack every time I have been to GoApe, I will go again and concur my fear!  Fear is only in the mind, I just need to try and push through it.